Fly me to the moon
by Linneagb
Summary: AU Carole Hudson is abused by her husband Christopher. It's been going on for years but the minute he touches Finn she decides that enough is enough and gets on the first train she can catch. But coming to Lima, what is it with that Burt Hummel? And why is he so eager to help Carole and Finn? And mostly important... Will Christopher find them, and what happens if he does?
1. Runaway train

**So I came up with this new story. It will probably have three chapters in the end. And it's got subjects like abuse, suicide and sex. So… I rated it M. Yep! So… if you don't like it, or you're just not old enough. Don't read it. Thank you. **

**This story is AU, and Finn is seven, Kurt is eight. They do not have the same birthdays as in the series. And Elizabeth Hummel died when Kurt was five. Christopher Hudson however, is still alive. **

"Please Chris."

I tried, I really tried. But the harm was done and my husband was angry with me again. Now, once again I was on the kitchen floor and Christopher was on top of me. Taking one after another blow and doing the most harm that he possibly could.

I could smell the alcohol on his breath and tried to protect my head with my arms knowing that in this state he wouldn't care about what he did and what harm he made. I knew it, because it had happened so many times before. And he had since long stopped promising me after every time it happen that it would never happen ever again.

Then suddenly it stopped and I breathed out but waited another minute or two until I lowered my arms and rolled over onto my back to face Chris before I could sit up and then stand up on shaky legs. Christopher was standing a couple of meters away from me, in the other end of our small kitchen with his arms crossed over his chest and an almost evil look in his glare and crooked smile.

Our house- mine, my husband Christopher's, and also our son- seven year old Finn's. Well… let's just say it was the tiniest house on the block. It was a small building with a small yard squeezed into two more normal- sized yards and houses, but it had a tiny hallway. Leading into either a tiny bathroom, a tiny kitchen or a tiny living room. Then in the kitchen there were two other doors, a tiny bedroom that barely fitted my and Christopher's bed and then a normal- sized storage room that we had made into a tiny bedroom for Finn.

Because of everything being so close it was very easy to hear what people were doing in the other rooms, and it broke my heart to know that even if his door was locked and he was as usual crouched in a corner with his arms over his head and ears and crying begging for it all to stop he could hear every single thing of what his father did to me and he wished that he could make it all stop. Having him so close also meant that I and Christopher could hear his soft, quiet sobbing on the other side of the thin wall and Christopher glanced to the door to Finn's room and I knew that everything would get worse.

"Quite annoying that kid, isn't he?" Christopher's voice had gone so low and mumbling Finn wouldn't be able to hear what he said. "Maybe I should teach him too a lesson." He pulled up his sleeve to his elbows and started to turn towards Finn's room but I quickly gathered all of my courage- which with years and years after living with Christopher wasn't much, but it didn't take much to protect my Finn.

"No! Christopher." I managed to get in front of him before he had reached the door. "Not Finn. Not Finn." Christopher tried to get past me but I pushed him away. "The moment you touch Finn you'll have lost both me and him, and I will make sure we are both out of here before tomorrow and you will never see us again. Is that understood?" Christopher hesitated. "Do to me whatever you want to do to him. But don't you dare as much as lay a finger on my son. Because then we will both be gone and that's not a threat, that's a promise."

My husband chuckled, but it was cold, and it made shivers go through my spine in fear of what was to come next. "You're sweet!" He stated."…The way you're protecting him at all times. Too bad…" He fingered with his sleeve. "…Too bad you're too protective to know your own good."

I could sense the blow coming before I could see him pulling his arm backwards and felt his hand collide with my jaw. But still I couldn't have been less ready for it and once again I was thrown down onto the floor and had Christopher over me unable to protect neither Finn nor myself when Christopher grabbed my shirt and hit me downwards towards the floor.

With the power he pushed me down every time there wasn't a chance for me to hold my head up. And with every time he quickly pulled me up towards him and then pushed me down hard onto the floor again the back of my head hit backwards against the hard floor and for every time he did it I could feel myself drifting further and further away from consciousness until I at last had drifted off and let myself be embraced by a silent, painless darkness.

"Mummy?" When I was drifting back into consciousness the first thing I was aware of was Finn's voice calling out for me. "Mummy, please wake up." I tried to move, my whole body was hurting. My head throbbed and even with my eyes closed I could feel I was dizzy as if my eyes now my whole world would be spinning around.

But despite the pain I could still move every arm and leg. I could turn my head and I slightly pushed myself up and then spent most part of half an hour lying with my head on Finn's lap and tried to regain consciousness and full ability to move until I could at a somewhat normal pace sit up again and looked at Finn only to find that one of my worst fears had finally come true.

Finn had a bruised eyebrow, it was bleeding quite a lot and he kept on wiping it off with his sleeve. For so long I had been so afraid of Christopher and what he could and would do. But as I saw that he had done it to Finn the fear disappeared and was replaced by anger- no, not anger. I was furious. How dared he touch my little boy?

And so I remembered the promise I had made to myself just as well as I had spoken it to Christopher. If he as much as touched my son we would be gone. And right away I forced myself to forget about the throbbing in my head, the nausea and the dizziness and forced myself onto my feet and focused on the clock.

"Finn… you know every evening at half past seven we can hear a train leave in the station only one block away from here?" Finn nodded. "Okay, we're going to take it. Where is your dad?"

"Bar." Finn's voice was quiet, light and he spoke while once again pulling his sleeve over his eyebrow to wipe the blood and keep it from getting in his eyes. "He left just while you were asleep. But we can't leave. Dad only hit me once, and he said I would be right here when he comes back and he need to finish what he started. I deserved it I was bad!"

I had to bite my lip hard so I wouldn't have left Finn with around fifteen new bad words to use, and hurried as well as I could out in the hallway and grabbed my backpack and Finn's school bag. I handed Finn's to himself and told him to pack the most important things while I took my backpack and went into my room. And with the twenty minutes I had to pack and get myself ready I was packing and trying to put makeup on so the bruises wouldn't show to everybody in this town of Toledo.

I didn't succeed very well and at last grabbed my biggest and slouchiest hoodie I could find in my wardrobe and pulled the hood up and as far over my head and to cover my face as it possibly could and then made my way out to Finn's room while pushing down a couple of apples and a box of raisins along with a few chocolate bars into my own backpack and found Finn standing in his room with his backpack hanging on his back done and everything, he had a baseball cap pulled over his head and far down enough for it to cover his eyebrow and didn't notice me because he stood looking down at the football he held in his hands.

"You can bring that one Finn." I had to stop talking and grab onto the door frame when what must have been the millionth dizziness spell hit me and I needed to make sure I wouldn't fall and didn't open my eyes until I was a hundred and fourteen percent sure it had stopped. "But we need to go now. Come on." I kneeled and pulled up the zipper of his fleece shirt. "Come on now." I took his hand and ran as good as I could out the door and down the road.

The bar that Christopher used to go to- Car's bar was only half a block away from ours and we had to walk by it on the way running to the train station and even though I should probably have just ran past it I turned my head and looked through the window to check if I could see him.

I could, he was sitting with his side turned to us talking and gesturing and the ones around were laughing. I couldn't hear what they were talking about, only that his friends were the biggest and worst jerks I had ever met so he was probably bragging about how he had beat me unconscious and then caused his son to bleed.

"Come on" I grabbed Finn tighter by the hand and walked faster down the road, we could see the train now, but it was just about to leave. And I tried to walk faster, faster, faster. When something went horribly wrong.

"Hey, what are you doing?" I recognized the voice too well, but still turned around to see that Christopher had come out of the bar and out on the street. "Come back here." I grabbed Finn by the hand just as Christopher started running as good as she could in his drunken state.

"RUN" I forced myself to run towards the train, it was only these street left but the train was just about to leave and even running as fast as I could with Finn running with me hand in hand and ran over the platform just as the train whistled and the doors were closing, jumping in in the very last second before they were at last all closed and Christopher came running up at the platform just as the train left and I could see him swearing and running after trying to stop the train and I prayed to God he wouldn't be able to.

At last- after what felt like forever the train was reaching its full speed and I couldn't even see Christopher anymore. For the moment I let go of the fact that we didn't even have tickets and got into the wagon and slumped down into an empty seat with another empty seat right by it where Finn sat down and I hugged him tightly and leaned my throbbing head against his shoulder and closed my eyes so the spinning wouldn't make me throw up.

"Mum" Finn's voice sounded weak and worried and he stroke my hair. "Mum are you okay?" I nodded carefully against his shoulder and turned my head so at least if I got sick I wouldn't get it right in his face. "You don't look okay. Mum… Here comes the conductor and we haven't got any tickets." He whispered that last so only I would hear it and I forced myself to sit up and open my eyes to see a young, brown- haired man possibly in his mid- twenties look down on me with his equipment in his hands, frowning as everything he must have been able to see through the hole in the hoodie was bruised and swollen and Finn had a blood stain soaking through the back of his peaked cap that he had put back and forth to look cool like the 'cool guys' at his school.

I felt through my pockets and my bag, not a penny. Just barely enough to maybe buy Finn a meal as soon as we got off the train but I needed that and I didn't know how to express myself when I looked back up at the man who was still frowning, and suddenly disappeared.

"Come with me." He came back after it seemed he had checked something. "I'll put you somewhere private. We've got an empty coupé." Without neither me nor Finn having had the time to protest he showed us to a small, private coupé in the bottom of the wagon. "So, you just stay here and don't talk to any staff and do not move or get off the train until I come back okay?" I nodded and seemed like I agreed even if I wasn't too sure about what to do now- and certainly not about what to do in a minute and the conductor started backing towards the door. "I'm Cam by the way."

I knew I couldn't tell him our actual names, if he would tell someone else, who told someone else, who told someone else… Well, it would end up with Christopher finding us way too fast and I quickly brainstormed for fake names to use.

"I'm Lisa Gabriel, and this is my son- Roger Gabriel." Cam didn't look as if he believed us, but he turned around and left the coupé and went out of our sight. After he had gone I quickly got up, locked the doors and pulled the curtains over the windows before I slumped down onto the seat closest to the door again and leaned against Finn.

"Roger mum? Seriously, there's like no names that are worse than the one I actually have and yet you found one!" He glared at me, but I knew him and his glares and knew that he wasn't angry with me for real and I crouched, lied down over two seats and put my head in Finn's lap and tried to ignore the throbbing and the urge to just fall asleep.

I knew I had a concussion, a pretty bad one if I wasn't wrong. And as a nurse, even though unemployed nurse I knew that falling asleep with a concussion could be fatal so I forced my eyes open and tried to plan on what to do next.

"Mum look! We can see the moon. Can't you tell me that story about flying to the moon once again? Please? I love that story." I sighed and shook my head. "But please mummy, I like that story really much. And I want to pretend as if we're flying to the moon… I want to fly to the moon for real. Dad couldn't find us there. Could he?" I sat up and rubbed his cheek and shook my head, I was meaning to say something. Promise him that Christopher wouldn't be able to find us wherever we went either. But I couldn't, I knew he always found us somehow, and I couldn't tell him I wanted to go to the moon where he couldn't find us. But I couldn't tell Finn that, and leaned my head against his shoulder again and looked out the window and saw the moon I too while also wishing that we could have gone there and never gone back again.

"Come on." A bit more than an hour after we had gotten on the train it was finally announced that we would be stopping soon- in the town of Lima and I had made up my mind that the next time we stopped we would get off as fast as possible and I handed Finn his fleece shirt and gloves. "We're getting off here in Lima." Finn looked confused. "I know that Cam told us to stay until he came back but we can't trust anybody okay? We just need to get off and find someone or somewhere. I'm not so sure what we're looking for." The last sentence I whispered under my breath so Finn wouldn't hear and walked out in the hallway and stood by the door when the train slowed down and was the first one to almost jump down onto the platform and pulled Finn after me.

I lost the count of time as we were walking around the roads and blocks of the town of Lima. Finn was walking slightly after me this time- even though we both knew he could have put on a tiny bit of length in his steps and he would be a bit in front of me instead. And after what felt like walking through a hundred years, but probably was around a couple of hours and it started getting close to midnight, suddenly Finn put his backpack down onto the ground and sat down on it.

"Finn." My voice sounded more moaning than what I had planned. "Please, come on. We'll find something soon." Finn shook his head and hugged his knees. "Please Finn. We need to get somewhere Christopher couldn't find us…" Finn only glared at me, and this time it was for real. "Finn please. This isn't fun for me either. I've been nauseas and dizzy all evening and my head is throbbing so bad I'm not sure I can keep from throwing up much longer. I know you're in pain too and that your forehead won't stop bleeding but I need you to go with me okay? Please honey." I took his hands in mine. "Just this time. For me?"

Finn looked sadly up at me, and then stood up and lifted his backpack and threw it over one shoulder and continued following me until we could see the sign of 'Lima memorial hospital' and I was on my way to keep on walking when Finn stopped and pulled my hand. I knew right away what he wanted, and I wasn't too sure what to say about it. But whatever it was I was going to say Finn spoke before me.

"Mum, you're hurt. You need a doctor. The hospital is right over there and I'm sure someone there will be able to help us. Please mum. My hands are cold and my feet hurt. Please, we can't just walk around the whole night." I kneeled to reach his height, pulled the baseball cap off him and stroke the fringe away from his forehead to see the bruising.

"This needs stitches." I said. "You fell down the stairs and right into a wall. I got hurt trying to catch you. That's our story okay?" Finn sighed, but nodded. "And we couldn't get to the hospital sooner because we live out on the country side and I don't have my own car so we had to wait for your dad to come home with his but he was with his mum who is ill and have got cancer. Our names are Lisa and Roger Gabriel okay?" Finn nodded. "Then come on." I pulled my own mittens off and pulled them over Finn's gloves. Then I stood up and took him by the hand and walked down the road to the hospital, and coming in the heat hit me like a wall and I finally stopped shivering cold.

"Excuse me." I went over to the desk still holding onto Finn's hand and hoping that the nausea that had been getting worse again wouldn't make me throw up right on the desk. "My son has a cut caused by some bruising. I think he needs stitches." The receptionist didn't even look at me before she handed me a paper, a board and a pen.

"Fill this up, hand it in and sit and wait." I wanted to say something more, but knew these systems so I did as I was told and slumped down on the chair in the waiting room in the same moment as I felt the nausea that had been bugging me all night hit me with full power. And still, even though I knew I was going to get sick I tried to take deep breaths to prevent it, but Finn noticed and broke my concentration.

"Mum, what's wrong?" I hunched forward and threw up. "Okay. That's wrong. It's okay." Finn patted my back like I usually did when he was getting sick. I threw up again and Finn continued to rub my back. I was barely aware of the fact that an elder man that sat next to me moved away with a disgusted look on his face and someone shouted for a 'Hummel' right before a man in scrubs- pants and a flannel shirt came running with a basin that he held under my chin.

"I am so, so sorry." I panted when I could finally catch my breath and stop throwing up. The man that had come running with the basin took me under the arm and pulled me away through the hallway and into an examine room where he gently pushed me down onto a bunk and Finn crawled up right next to me and took my hand.

"That's okay. Happens all the time." The man said and took a thermometer. "Sorry, I have to check your temp… erature." He had pushed the hood off my head and even though I had been doing my best with the makeup and tried to cover as well as I could with my hands he seemed chocked of what he saw. "Oh dear…. Ma'am. I'm going to ask you a question, I know you don't want to answer it but if you did I could help you. Who did this to you?"

It certainly wasn't the first time someone had asked me that question. No matter the fact that everybody already knew- and so did this man. Even though Finn pulled the story I had made up that he had fallen down the stairs and I had tried to catch him- which I had ended up doing with my face and was pushed- head first into the wall backwards.

"So…" I could see the man whose name tag I couldn't read since I was still so dizzy my vision had gotten blurry. "…How come you haven't got more bruises and such if you fell down a whole set of stairs." Finn pulled of his fleece shirt and showed his arms- like any young boy's they were full of bruises and cuts from playing football and soccer and basketball and any other sport the human kind had come up with.

The man still didn't believe our story I could tell, but his expression softened a bit while he seemed to wonder about what to ask next while I and Finn looked to each other. Finn pulled up his Gameboy of his backpack and put it on, and left me to talk to the man.

"So how come you waited six hours to go to the hospital?"

"My husband was working late. Very late, and I don't have my own car so we needed to wait until he came home with the car to go."

"And you drove like this… Or where is your husband? Look sweetheart… I've got a son- his name is Kurt. And I think he's about the same age as this young man. I'd do anything for him to stay safe. I know what it's like to be a parent. And you guys look so much alike I know you are his mum. And I know that you'd do anything or him to be safe. And the thing is, if you don't tell someone the truth about how this happened, and get away from him. Then he will keep on doing it, and none of you will be safe. I know you don't want to hear this but… It's the truth."

I felt sick again- for another reason than before right now. But I couldn't throw up again… God knows how long it was since I had eaten and… God I just couldn't!

"I'm Burt by the way… Burt Hummel. What are your names?"

"I'm Lisa Ga…"

"I'm Finn." In the middle of my lie Finn looked up from his Gameboy that he had seemed all concentrated on but I now realized it wasn't even on. "Finn Hudson. My mum's name is Carole Hudson. My dad did this to us." Finn bit his lip. "But please no police." Finn turned his Gameboy on and turned his concentration to it while I wasn't so sure what to say or what to think.

"Wait here." Burt left the room and left us and Finn alone. I pulled the Gameboy from Finn's hands and looked him sternly in the eyes. But as I saw his tired, miserable expression I felt the- pretended and forced anger only run off and I hugged him tightly and didn't let go.

"I'm sorry mum. If you want to keep me safe like that Burt said. Then what I want is to keep you safe. And if none of us can be safe then we'll never be happy, you and I. I'm sorry. I know I should have been sticking to the story but I…" Finn's eyes filled with tears and I held him tightly while shushing gently. "I couldn't lie anymore mummy."

"Sch, sch, sch." I shushed once again and hugged Finn as tightly as I possibly could. "It's okay. You only had the bravery to do what I couldn't." I tenderly played with his hair. "I'm proud of you honey. I love you very much." Finn wrapped his arms around my waist and hugged me back tightly.

"I love you very much too mummy. Can you tell me the story about flying to the moon now?"

"Of course sweetie." I took a deep breath, and then started telling my son the story about what happened on the moon, and what would happen if we flew there and became a part of it all

**Okay, that's it for a first chapter. That Finn just suddenly tells everything might seem a bit unrealistic but thinking about that he wants to keep his mum safe I guess it's okay anyway. I hope you liked it. **

**There is a polyvore- edit made for this story. You'll find my polyvore if you press the link on my profile that reads 'Linneagbffn' **

**Random fact **

When I thought about the idea to this story it was early morning and I was somewhere in between asleep and awake. Ha! I should be somewhere in between asleep and awake a bit more often, shouldn't I? And an extra- I was thinking about the title, and had the idea to 'fly me to the moon' when I was on YouTube and watching a series I used to watch as a kid and they were doing the song. It is a really good series!


	2. Bad day

**So. Now when you can also see the titles of the chapters. During writing shorter stories I usually use titles or quotes from songs for titles of the chapters. And keep a theme within the story- Mary Christmas is all Christmas songs, hearts for sale is song originally or covered by Declan Galbraith and this story is one- hit- wonders. I'm not so sure what songs are one- hit- wonders or not, but I go on Wikipedia and take a title that seems suiting from some lists on there. And so far, it's runaway train by Soul asylum and bad day by Daniel Powter. **

**Oh, and I usually tell this by the first chapter but I keep on forgetting. But English is not my first language. I figured that might help to understand why I sometimes use funny words or expressions or just don't get it right. So if you see any mistakes I'd be grateful if you could point them out and I'll do it better next time. Okay? Thanks. **

I was drifting back into consciousness. But God, don't let this dream end just yet. Let there be a pillow under my head instead of the hard wooden floor in the kitchen. God, I must have hit my head hard because that dream just felt too real. But I didn't have a choice, and if Christopher found me like this I'd be in even more trouble.

Quickly, so I wouldn't have the time to change my mind I threw my eyes opened and sat up. And as I did the blanket that had been draped over me fell down onto my legs. And this wasn't a dream. Everything had happened with so much pain and there was no way to feel pain in dreams was there? So it all had to be real… And if that was real… then it would be real that I couldn't find Finn anywhere.

"Finn." I jumped out of the hospital bed and looked around as if that would make my son magically appear somewhere. "FINN!" I ran out of the room and down the hallway. Ignoring every nurse and every doctor and whatever they all were that were trying to catch my attention. "FINN?" When I reached the end of the hallway I turned around and ran the other way. "FINN?"

As I ran further and further down the hallway I could hear music from someone playing a keyboard and two people singing on don't stop believing by Journey. And even if I realized one of the voices was my Finn's even before I recognized the song. The song was enough to have me follow the voice and I ended up in what looked like some kind of lounge with a keyboard in one corner by which there sat an elder, black man playing. And just by him sat Finn singing along.

"Finn!"

The two male's stopped playing and singing when I half shouted for my son. And rushed over the floor and grabbed him by the hand before I pulled him back to our examination room and waited for the door to close before I kneeled and grabbed Finn by the arms and shook him.

"What do you think you're doing just running off like that? Don't you ever scare me like that aga…"

I didn't have the time to finish what I was saying when I noticed the frightened look in Finn's eyes and with that noticed how hard my grip around Finn's arms had gotten and with the conscience roaring up inside of me I let go at first and then just embraced him. Trying to excuse myself for what I did to him, but knowing that I could never make it okay anyway.

"I'm sorry Finn. I didn't mean to grab and scare you like that. You only scared me really bad when I woke up and I couldn't find you. Come on, now we need to get out of here." I pulled up my hood again and grabbed Finn's bag and pressed down his Gameboy into it before I handed it to Finn. But he just froze and looked at me with his chocolate brown eyes with the bag in his hands.

"Come on Finn. We need to get a move on."

"Mum, grandpa. That old man who played a piano said I could call him grandpa since I haven't got a grandpa." What Finn said just broke my heart. I knew a grandparent was the one thing that he had wanted the most through all of his life. "He was really nice. I could sing with him and I really liked it… he gave me a lollipop."

"You shouldn't take gifts from people you don't know like that. Haven't I told you that?"

"But he gave it to me. And he was really nice and we sang my favorite song. I put the lollipop on the piano and then you came and I forgot to grab it." I sighed. "Can I at least go back and grab it? He's really nice mummy and I really wanted that lollipop." I took his hand nodded and then tried to keep out of people's ('cough' Mr. Hummel's 'cough) way walking to the dayroom where we heard music all out in the hallway.

"Don't stop believing" This grandpa- guy's deep voice mostly echoed through the hallway. And I heard Finn starting to sing along. He was a good singer my Finn- no doubt about that. And don't stop believing was not only Finn's favorite song- it was one of my favorites too. Well… close second place if anything.

"Hello Finn." The elder man by the keyboard stopped playing and singing when I and Finn came through the doorway. And I let go of Finn's hand and he ran up and hesitated before the old guy nodded when he reached his hand out to take the lollipop and Finn then ran back and took my hand again but we didn't have the chance to leave when the old man spoke to us.

"Hey… Finn's mum." I turned towards him. "My name is Rudy. And I do not want to see neither you nor your little guy get hurt. Then it doesn't matter if I'm actually there in person to for real see it or not. But… I hang around here a lot. And I'll be right here. I've been alive for 103 long years so I think I can wait here for a little longer."

"I won't let him get hurt." I said, praying to God that I would actually be able to keep my promise and turned around and walked… all the while looking around, so much I didn't notice I walked right into Burt Hummel. "Oh… Ehrm… We were just going to the cafeteria." I tried, I knew he wouldn't buy it. But it was worth a try anyway and I looked down at Finn and hopefully he would just see how badly we needed to get away from this and how badly we could not let Mr. Hummel help us.

Finn seemed to wonder about what to do next. Then he suddenly jumped, stomped as hard as he could on Mr. Hummel's foot and while he was still jumping around on one leg Finn grabbed my hand and ran along with me down the hallway and out in the morning traffic. And we ran, with not any intention we ran, and ran, and ran.

"Okay." At last I had to stop running and slumped down on the sidewalk. "I can't run anymore." I put my head in my hands. "God, how did I get us into this?" Finn sat down right by me and put his arm around my shoulders. I lifted my head from my hands and forced a smile onto my lips when I looked at him. "Come on Finn. There's nothing else to do than to just keep on moving until we find somebody that actually could help us."

And then before we had taken as much as a few steps a car came speeding and it skid through the turn and in the puddles. Spraying muddy water over both me and Finn and then continued speeding down the road without turning back.

"Well…" I looked myself and Finn up and down. "I guess we'll just have to wait until it dries. It was stupid of me not to make sure we had more money with us than we actually had." I counted the money that I had. "Did you have something to eat at the hospital?" Finn pulled out the lollipop Rudy had given him of his pocket. "Nothing else? No real, warm food?" Finn shook his head. "Oh damn it. Well, you just eat that one and we'll just keep on walking and I'll see if I can find something to eat for you." Finn pulled the plastic off the lollipop, stuffed it in his pocket and sucked on it while he walked after me down the road for the nearest hour, two hours. Three hours. Finn ate his lollipop, and I decided to wait until he started complaining with getting him food to save on it as far as possible.

"Give me your money." Suddenly A dark- dressed man with a balaclava was holding a gun towards me. "Give me your money. Or…" He moved his hand holding the gun and pointed it towards Finn and I woke up from whatever state and quickly pulled out all of the cash I had from my pockets and held it to him.

It would mean that there was a risk Finn wouldn't get lunch today. But whatever it would take and he'd still be here. I could lose anything and everything, but if I lost Finn I would have nothing left to even live for. And I couldn't let that happen, not to me. And certainly not to him.

"Here, I'm sorry. It's all I have." I was shaking with fear while the robber looked up and down through the holes in the balaclava. "It's all I have. I promise." The robber looked up into my eyes again, and so he quickly ripped the money from my hand. Stuffed his gun in his pocket and ran into a side road leaving me and Finn to somewhat understand that we were still alive and somewhat unharmed.

"Mummy."

Finn's voice was shaking, and so troubled I knew that I couldn't fix it. But I did as much as I could and kneeled and pulled Finn up in an as tight embrace as I possibly could. And just held him tightly for, for certain at least ten minutes. And then I took his arms in my hands and leaned back.

"If anything like that ever happens again and I'm in danger. Then I want you to just run okay? And when you see a person just run. Run and run until you find someone to help you because it doesn't matter if I'm terrified, hurt or killed. Nothing means more to me or would ever be able to mean more than what you do. And if you're okay, nothing else matters. Okay?" Finn nodded and I pulled him into another tight embrace before I stood up and took his hand mostly to all the time feel that he was there. "We'll get somewhere there are more people around, then the risk shouldn't be as big of that happening again."

"Mum?" When we finally were walking at a normal pace after hurrying towards streets with actual people. "Have you got any money for food now?" I knew right away what the answer would have to be. But still felt through my pockets before I answered him no. "But mum, I don't want to be but I'm still really hungry." I suppressed a sigh and looked around. I didn't want to do this. But what other choice did I have?

"Wait here." I still held onto Finn's hand while walking up to a gas station and told Finn to wait outside. "Do not go with anyone, okay? I'll be right back." I hurried into the gas station and walked up to a shelf with what seemed like sandwiches, fruits and drinks and I glanced to the cashier and tried to make sure he wasn't looking at me while I pushed down a sandwich and a drink into my pockets.

I didn't in any way enjoy stealing. But Finn getting lunch was more important than my pride, and I headed towards the doors again and tried not to seem suspicious which ended up not too very well and I could see the cashier following every step I took with his eyes and vision. I stopped for a moment and looked right into his eyes, and hoped that he could see how all kinds of desperate I was. That this wasn't about stealing or whatever but about feeding my child. And somehow, something changed with the cashier while he slightly blinked at me and turned to doing something behind him and I could get out onto the street and pull Finn with me a block away before I stopped and pulled up the sandwich and the drink out of my pockets and handed it to Finn.

"Mum…" Finn sounded suspicious and blaming. "Did you steal this?"

"Don't worry about it Finn." I tried. But I should have known he would know anyway. "You know that if you get what you need and want nothing else matters right?" Finn nodded and pulled away the plastic from the sandwich and took a bite and then grimaced. "What?" He held up a piece of tomato- Finn hated tomatoes. "Yes, but when you're hungry you eat what you can get. And it's everything I can get you for now."

Finn looked down on the tomato and then held it up to me. "You need to eat too mum. And I don't like tomatoes anyway." I couldn't help but smile slightly, then carefully took the piece of tomato and put the whole thing in my mouth at once. Although one thing with being hungry, is that you never really feel how hungry you are before you've taken a bite- and if I'd been thinking of that there and then. I would never have taken that bite!

In the morning and the forenoon I hadn't really had the time or anything to feel how hungry I had been- God knows how long it had been since I had ate something last but I had other things to worry about. And it faded a good bit after I had eaten that tomato as well, only an hour or two later when my stomach started cramping of hunger and I started getting somewhat nauseas.

But still, stealing wasn't something I had enjoyed doing before. And I wasn't going to do it just because I was hungry. I'd need a better excuse than that. And I knew that through walking through the streets. And every time something happened, I almost expected Finn to beg for food only because I had learnt to see in his whole body language when he was craving for all kinds of food just something. And had also learnt that when he would be in pain or just in a bad mood he would crave food even worse. That was why when he first slipped off the sidewalk and scraped his knees and hands, then slipped off another sidewalk and obviously sprained his ankle. I would think, or more likely hope that he'd want food like yesterday! But he just continued limping after me, at a somewhat shorter pace than before.

"Mum I'm hungry." Late at night Finn couldn't hold it back anymore. And I couldn't blame him, I knew it was coming and he had had a sandwich for dinner while a lollipop for breakfast and lunch. "I'm sorry."

"Oh Finn." I bent down to give him a side- hug. "You don't have to say you're sorry. There's nothing to be sorry for. Here seems to be some kind of mall who seems to have open tonight. Let's go in here and see if we can think of something that will…" We walked into the mall, and I couldn't think of a way to end that sentence.

I came around the corner and before I knew it suddenly I was covered in some icy, sticky beverage. And it burned in my eyes and was cold as nothing else I had ever experienced before.

"Oh, I am so, so sorry." The possible teenager who stood in front of me with a plastic cup in his hand seemed chocked and scared out of his mind. "I thought you were somebody else and… I am so, so sorry." I noticed him pulling his hand into his sleeve. "Here let me try to…" He lifted his hand towards my face. And before I knew it I was in some sort of fight state and pushed him away from me.

"NO"

I barely even knew I was shouting at the boy. And neither did I know that I grabbed Finn's hand and ran through the mall and through the streets again so into my own thoughts I didn't give a thought to Finn's scraped knees and sprained ankle. I didn't know where we were going now any more than what I had did the last time we did but I knew I had my heart beating so hard in my chest I felt it in my ears and that I couldn't stop for anything.

So there was a big, lit-up sign in front of me. 'Lima memorial hospital' And I realized we were back where we began this morning. I sighed and pulled Finn with me into a side road where I brainstormed, and then said something that I would probably regret for the rest of my life. Not for saying it, but for how much it scared my son.

"Maybe this was a bad idea. Maybe we should just go back to Toledo and Christopher."

"NO" Finn shouted right away. And I pulled my hands away from my face and listened closely to what he was shouting next. YOU SAID YOU WOULDN'T LET ANYBODY HURT ME. AND IF WE GO BACK TO DAD THEN HE WILL AND HE WILL HURT YOU AND I DO NOT WANT YOU TO GET HURT AND YOU DO NOT WANT ME TO GET HURT SO WE CAN'T GO BACK THERE MUMMY. WE CAN'T WE CAN'T WE CAN'T. Please mummy please." Finn slumped down on the sidewalk and his whole body language and expression said that he wasn't going to move another bit until I had come up with a working plan for what would happen now.

Until now I had promised to keep strong in front of my son. But when he was done I just couldn't keep the tears away any longer and I sat down on the sidewalk next to him and before I knew it I was the one shaking with sobs, and I couldn't make them stop.

"I'm sorry mummy" Finn sounded terrified and sad when he tried to rub my shoulder and comfort like I would do to him. "I'm sorry I didn't mean to make you cry. No don't cry anymore I don't like it when you cry and are sad. Please. I'm sorry mummy." With tears in my eyes and still rolling down my cheeks I looked up and laid my hand on Finn's shoulder looking straight into his eyes.

"No Finn. I'm the one who should say I'm sorry. I'm the adult and your parent. I'm supposed to be responsible and keep you away from anything that's hurting you. So you've got nothing to say you are sorry for. Do you understand?" Finn nodded. "Do you love me anyway?" Finn stepped closer and hugged my tightly.

"Of course I love you mummy. All the way to the moon, eight laps around and back again." I couldn't help but smile through the tears. "That won't change and I think you know that very well. So…" He stepped away again and now it was his turn to look me sternly into the eyes. "Does that mean we're getting help not to go back to daddy?" I thought about it for a moment. But there was no way I could bring back Finn there after this so I just nodded. "Thank you mummy. Come on." He took my hand and I stood up and together we walked up to the hospital and up to the reception.

"Excuse me. Ma'am." The woman in the receptionist looked up at me when I called her attention. "I and my son were here tonight and we met someone named Burt Hummel. We'd like to talk to him again if he's here. Is he?" The receptionist nodded to my surprise, afterwards Mr. Hummel had been here when we left too. "Is there any way I could talk to him."

"I can arrange that. Let me guess. He wanted to help you get away from whoever hurt you?" I nodded slightly and wondered how on earth the receptionist would know before she continued and whatever it was I had expected- it was not the actual truth.

"Yes. I thought he'd tell you. His ex-wife and daughter moved in with some guy who abused them. He tried to do something about it but Elizabeth wouldn't let him so before he had talked her into it this new guy has abused them so badly they both died." My whole insides went cold. "And since then- it was two years ago. Every time someone comes in here and it seems like someone's hurting them he won't let it go until he's got the whole truth. But don't worry about him, he's the kindest person I've ever known and he'd never hurt a fly. If you ask me, you should let him help you. And if you accept. He's standing right there." The receptionist nodded to somewhere behind me and I turned around and could see Mr. Hummel standing there himself. "And…" The receptionist leaned over the desk and looked me in the eyes. "Twice it have happened that he has brought a woman with their child or children into his own house to help them with food and place of living until they're on their feet. And they have both gotten out of there and all of that. I get it if you don't believe this and don't want to trust either him. And the choice is up to you." I hesitated and looked down when Finn tugged my sleeve.

"Mummy." He almost whispered. "We don't have nothing else to do. It's either that or we have to go back to dad since we don't know where to go. And daddy…" He showed me to come even closer and whispered the next few words. "…He hurts us. And we can't go back to him." I raised again and looked down at Finn who seemed in loss of what else to do or say.

I sighed slightly. If I would ever be able to trust a man- or any other person actually ever again it would take God knows how many years. But there was just that something in what the receptionist told me that just wouldn't have made sense if it hadn't been true. And Finn was right, and I couldn't let anyone hurt him.

So… If nothing could possibly get any worse than this anyway…

I closed my eyes for a split moment and then turned to Mr. Hummel. Praying to God that this wasn't just another lie.

**Random fact **

Rudy was originally a part of a chapter in Barole A to Z. This chapter was set after Finn died in the series, and also there he was 103 years old. But I made him 103 here too since, it was just him. And I could use his line with holding up for a little longer. He might pop up later in the story.


	3. Om sanningen ska fram

**So. Here I am with the third chapter. And as I now have things more planned out for the rest of the story than what I've had before I can tell you that I'm pretty sure 'Fly me to the moon' will end up with five chapters in the end. I'm not a hundred percent sure but as it looks like now that is what we'll end up with so. Three chapters to go (As I'm writing this I haven't started the actual chapter yet. And oh I need to find the title of a one- hit wonder to use as well. List of the song titles and who made them can be found on my profile under 'fly me to the moon' that is currently on the bottom but that'll change if I put another story up but it's there and wow! I need to stop babbling can you tell that I'm hyper? I can tell that I'm hyper? Did you know that I've gone a whole year older since the last chapter? Pretty well done isn't it. YAY for me! Anyways, yes it was my birthday a little while ago so in fact it's true and I need to put this energy on the chapter instead. **

**And oh yeah, the title of the chapter. It means 'If the truth is going to get out' And I think the English saying for that is 'to be honest' **

"So. Here we are." Burt pulled over in front of a wooden house painted brown and white, and turned the key. "This is where I live. Come with me." He got out of the car on his side while I opened the door carefully, at all times keeping an eye on Burt. Just in case.

Just in case.

When we came inside. I walked through the hallway and looked to a photo that stood on a dresser. It was of a young girl, perhaps five or six. And by it stood an owl lantern with a candle burning in it, a stuffed wolf and a cup painted like a raccoon. I stopped to look at the girl in the photo, she had her long fringe in a braid and was smiling slightly towards the camera.

"That's Mia." Burt said, kind of hoarsely as if it was hard for him to talk about. "My daughter." Immediately it strike me what that receptionist had told us about what happened to Burt's ex- wife and daughter. "Beautiful, isn't she? My angel… Clarence- the receptionist told you about Elizabeth and Mia right?" I nodded. "Yeah… You know… I can't bring them back. But I can help others stuck in a somewhat similar situation. And this time… or next time…. I'm not going to let it go until I know that they're safe." Burt cleared his throat and pulled his cap off and put it in a drawer of the dresser just as a young boy- around Finn's age, maybe a bit older and dressed in very nice and fashionable clothes came out in the hallway and Burt changed the subject right away.

"Carole, Finn. This is my son. Kurt. Kurt, you know the story." Kurt nodded. They had been through this before. "This is Carole and Finn Hudson. And they'll be staying here for a little while." Kurt nodded again. "Well. I know I'm hungry and I'm guessing you guys are too." Neither I nor Finn answered. Not even for the fact that I was starving and Finn, who could eat like a horse. Felt probably even worse.

"I made tuna lasagna with cottage cheese" I tried to hide my grimace. Finn had barely eaten all day, but he hated both tuna and cottage cheese. So I wasn't so sure… Although, if I had raised him to be somewhat polite he would just eat and be happy. And he didn't say anything about it so I crossed my fingers and hoped while Burt led us into the kitchen and pointed for us to sit by the table.

Actually, for the moment I was so tired I couldn't even think. I would have done just about anything just about anyone had told me. And so I sat down and Kurt got whatever lasagna out of the oven and started serving to everybody. Finn seemed hesitant, but I sent him a meaning look and before he said anything I could see he remembered what I had always told him to at least try to eat and try to like before he said anything.

I didn't eat yet, and just sat and held a very, very hard grip around my fork while Finn took the first bite. "It's good." He stated and I finally breathed out as he continued eating and had to agree with him. It might or might not have been because I had eaten as much as a slice of tomato all day. But this was the best damn thing I had ever tasted!

"Okay." After dinner Burt disappeared for a little while and then came back. "Finn, you'll have to share with Kurt. Is that okay?" Finn looked to me, I nodded and then he looked back to Burt and nodded. "And you will have to take the guest room by yourself." Burt looked to me. "Is that okay?" He peered a bit to let me know that was mostly joking and I nodded. Even though I wasn't too sure about how it would feel to be all on my own in a dark room all night. "Okay. Kurt? What's the matter with you tonight?"

During the whole dinner and also after Kurt had been sitting eyeing me up and down and even though I had been feeling kind of uncomfortable for the last half hour I hadn't really dared to answer and was kind of relieved when Burt asked. But still Kurt eyed me up and down one more time and then looked up and looked me sternly into the eyes.

"Can I give you a makeover?"

"KURT!" I hadn't even had the chance to answer him before Burt scolded. Almost shouted. "Oh, sorry. I didn't mean to scare you but. My God Kurt! How many times do I need to tell you that you can't just go and ask people whose clothing style you don't like if you can give them a freaking makeover… What?"

I couldn't help it. After a long and exhausting twenty four hours I just broke down laughing so hard even Finn didn't seem to have ever seen anything like it. And God, I just couldn't stop. And when I at last could I had to use at least a minute to catch my breath before I answered him.

"Not right now honey." I panted. "Maybe another time."

If I would have been honest, maybe I would have told him that I didn't have any money for a makeover right now. And as it looked like right now- maybe not ever. If I would have been honest I could have told Burt to put me and Finn in the same room as that was what I would have wanted. If I had been honest that I could have told him I didn't want to be alone because it was when I was alone that the memories of where I had been haunted me worse than ever.

And if I had been honest, I could have told Burt I wanted him close because he made me feel safer. And something else that I hadn't in felt in a long time. But I wasn't being honest with myself either. And forced the feelings awake not to feel what I already knew I felt.

Everything I felt.

Almost every day the rain would fall like crazy. And every night just as I was about to go to bed the clouds blew away and through the window I could see the moon shining. And every night I laid there in that bed looking up at it. And even though I wasn't so sure Finn would ever want to hear them again. I made up stories on how build up a rocketship and fly to the moon where Christopher wouldn't ever be able to find me.

Because, to be honest. I never told anyone, not even Burt even though I knew he wanted to know what on earth had gotten me and Finn to this point. And to be honest, I was afraid out of my mind twenty four hours a day, seven days a week. I kept on looking back over my shoulder if I was outside, checked the news and the papers in case I'd find something about someone looking for Finn and me.

I kept on pushing the curtains over the kitchen windows and down on the road to check if I could see Chris's tall, muscular figure come walking up the driveway. And every time I did look out or behind me I could feel my heart beating so strong it was almost as if it would beat right out of my chest.

Finn had been able to go to school with Kurt through some friend of Burt's who worked at the school. But even though under a false name he wasn't written into the school so Chris or no one else would be able to find him through that. I knew it. But still, every morning when I walked with the boys and let them disappear out of my sight going into the school I couldn't relax again until in the afternoon when I saw them coming out and walking through the parking lot again.

But still, one day wasn't so very much different from the others. I would wander in the house and push the curtains away to see out to the road. I would go to the grocery store every once in a while. Leave Finn and Kurt at school. And go to get them in the afternoon. If Burt walked day he would come home every once in a while and I'd have lunch made, or he would bring something from the cafeteria. And the same when he worked afternoons except that would be by dinner time.

And that guest room still felt so empty and lonely. And I laid awake for upon two hours every night and listened to every single noise that I could hear from the bottom of the hallway. Flinching at every quake in the wooden house and thought it was Christopher before my rational side had actually come in.

And nothing changed much. Every day I wandered, every night I laid awake. Until one night. When I was so tired I fell into bed. And then woke up some time around two hours later and had to jump out of bed and sprint down the hallway to the bathroom with a hand over my mouth until I could pull the lid open and immediately started heaving over the bowl.

"Carole?" As soon as I could catch my breath again I heard footsteps in the hallway and Burt came to stand in the doorway. "Hey. Are you okay?" He came into the bathroom, kneeled and put his palm against my back.

"Ugh." I moaned loudly. "I thought I would have this done for at least a few years after that concussion. Oh God…"I lowered my head towards the bowl as I heaved again and felt Burt continuing to rub my back. "I'm so sorry." I started speaking as soon as I could catch my breath again and sunk down and laid my clammy forehead against the floor. "I didn't mean to wake you up. I can take care of myself you know, you don't have to stay up for me."

"It's okay. It's not your fault. And I don't want you to stay up all on your own. Okay, okay." As I raised again and hung over the bowl he started rubbing my back again all until I realized it was false alarm this time and I turned and leaned my back against the wall. "Here you go." He handed me a wet cloth and I barely even thought of thanking him before I held the cool cloth against my forehead.

"I'm fine." I tried, even though even I heard how miserable it sounded. "It's just these goddamn bug that's been going around. You can go to bed. I'll be fine." I tried to reassure him that I would be fine- I didn't want to be a burden in any way. But I should have known that Burt would stay.

For a moment it flashed by how this would have been if I had been back with Christopher. And I tried to imagine exactly how this situation would be if… But after all of the weeks away from him. It was actually getting hard to imagine why on earth I had stayed with someone that had actually never done much else than hurt me.

But still. I couldn't keep the memories of how it had been away. They would haunt me day and night, and now I couldn't fail to remember the last time I had been ill while I was with Chris. And how he had beat and punched and kicked and pushed and pulled me until I was back on my feet and do whatever chores he wanted me to do just that time.

"Hey." I hadn't noticed before. But did when Burt suddenly frowned and talked to me again and wiped a tear from my cheek that I was crying. "It's okay. No need to cry. Are you getting sick again or…" I shook my head carefully. "Then do you want to tell me what it is? You don't have to if you don't want to though just…"

"Burt." I interrupted weakly. "It's just… You've been so very, very kind to me and Finn. I don't think I'm ever going to be able to thank you in some way that will seem enough."

For a moment I wanted to tell him exactly how I felt about all of this. Exactly all he had done forFinn and me and exactly how grateful I was. But if I did that. Then I'd have to tell him about before as well. And then it wouldn't be long until I had told him about exactly how afraid I was. Twenty four hours a day, seven days a week. And I wasn't so sure I wanted to do that.

"Are you finished?" Burt talking again brought me back to reality and I nodded. "Okay, then let's get back to bed." Burt pushed himself up and flushed the toilet. Then laid both of his palms against my shoulder blades in a move that almost demanded me to stand up. But it was still no similarities between Burt's soft touch and Chris's hard pushes and blows. And I got myself onto my feet and leaned slightly against Burt walking out of the bathroom and through the hallway.

"Come on. Is it okay if you could maybe stay in with me tonight? It's closer to a bathroom and further away from the boys so a less risk of waking them up."

I hesitated and was first going to say just a big 'NO'. But I would also do anything for Finn not to have to worry about it. Which I knew he would if the sound of my heaving woke him up. And somehow I and Burt ended up on either side of the double bed in the master bedroom anyway.

I think that somehow in all of it I had meant to move back into the guest room as soon as this was over. But when first Finn caught the bug, and then Kurt. We all stayed in one room for Burt and I to be close to them both and all of that. And after having been there for two weeks I thought every morning that tonight I would move back into the guest room. But still ended up in Elizabeth's old bed.

When I was younger and had any sort of traumatic experiences I would always have countless of nightmares the night after the other and they had kind of faded when they just happened every day. And somehow faded, and something within me was telling me that getting used to a life where bruises and scrapes weren't just a part of my everyday life.

But I kept on pushing it away.

But I should have known sooner or later it would happen. But as one day and night passed after the other. Maybe it would have faded as I had gotten older. It had been years since I had one of those nightmares last anyway.

But I should have known it would strike when I was at the least prepared.

_One day. I came down the porch and the driveway. And turned up the road to the grocery store I felt someone grab me from behind to meet his pair of cold, brown eyes. Absolutely not in any way looking alike his son's that____still had the exact same color as he did. And he grabbed around my throat so I could barely even breathe and so… _

"_I'm going to kill you… I'M GONNA KILL YOU!" _

"Hey, hey, hey." As I shot up in bed I felt a pair of strong arms catching me and a hand tenderly rubbing my back. "It's okay. It was just a dream. There's nothing to be afraid of here." Burt embraced me and waited until the trembling had died out before he broke loose and backed towards the bedside table and the water.

"It's okay." I said before I could hesitate. "I don't need anything." Burt nodded and reached for my hand, which he tenderly stroke with his thumb. And I couldn't help to notice that he seemed so close.

So, very close.

As Burt came even closer I could feel my heart pounding in my chest even before he continued speaking and then finally (If the truth was going to get out. I think that was what I had hoped he would do. Even though I would never have had admitted it) Burt touched me and slightly and tenderly stroke my cheek.

And he was just so close. And maybe it was that I should have just pulled away and let it be. But I knew what I felt… And I knew that suddenly my lips were towards his. His hand towards my hips and to be honest. I had kind of forgotten all about Chris. And actually pretty much everything. Even though I felt that when Burt's hands started making their ways up under my shirt and his lips were towards mine…

…To be honest… It was in a tender and passionate way I had never thought that I even deserved. But now we were here. And there was no way I was putting an end to it just like that… And to be honest. I didn't really care about that as long as it continued without every coming to an end.

But, for the truth to come out. I should have known that this would lead to consequences that I couldn't take back or turn around. And if the very most truth was going to get out, I should have known it made me more afraid than ever that Christopher would find out about all of this.

Because if Chris found out that I… To be honest… had freaking sex with another man. And if I would be honest about how he really were…

Damn it

I was so dead!

**And yeah. Let's give them two some privacy. This looks like it will lead to trouble- and I can tell that in one way or another it most certainly will… But you'll have to find out in the next chapter. See you then. I'd love to know what you thought about this chapter. **

**Random fact **

When I was deciding what Kurt had made as food I couldn't come up with anything that was in his character. I actually found the recipe for what he ended up making in a book I had for my birthday filled with recipe's on foods that are easy to make, cheap and healthy. And cooking something like that just seemed totally like… Kurt!


	4. The power of love

**So. Well. When I wrote the last chapter I wasn't writing from beginning to start like I usually do. And only wrote the scenes I had ideas for. I forgot the very beginning of it before I put it up. It's there now. I hope nobody noticed I'd forgotten it. So well. Here's the fourth chapter of five. **

"Holy Shit!"

I had probably know for weeks. Ever since I woke up naked in Elizabeth's old bed and quickly gathered my clothes and dressed before I moved back into the guest room while one memory after the other from the night before and what I and Burt had done filled my head.

But still, I had tried to fight it. Talked myself into that it wasn't real and that I was only feeling things that weren't real. Even though I kept on getting nauseas every morning, and had cravings for things that I didn't even like or had eaten before. And that was only for the last three and a half weeks. Until I now sat with a used pregnancy test, showing that goddamn plus sign that didn't change even though I hit it towards the edge of the sink.

At last I just got too tired and sunk down on the floor by the cupboards and hugged my legs. I sat still. But inside my head there were the more movement. Actually, so fast I couldn't take one thought from the other and understand what I was thinking. But one thing was for certain. No one could ever know about this! Especially not Christopher, and especially not Burt!

And for all of this, doing an abortion, and that as fast as I possibly could. Before anyone else had found out. Because if anyone else found out about this, and actually if they didn't too.

Damn it, I was so dead!

During the next couple of days I did everything I usually did with what had to be done around the house and grocery shopping and whatever. Walking around as almost in a fog and tried not to let it show to Burt or Kurt or Finn. And that while the same word was going on and on and on in my head. And maybe I already knew that it was what I had to do.

Abortion!

I sat on one of those hard plastic chairs in the waiting room and tried to force air in and out of my lungs. I had the pencil in my hand and the paper with the clipboard that was red with white polka dots- as if someone had made a lousy try to make what these clipboards were for any less terrible with fun colors and patterns. Everything I'd have to do was to fill up everything and wait to get a time and then it would be over and I'd never have to worry about it ever again.

But now when I was here, I just couldn't. My hand held onto the pencil but I couldn't move it. I must have written my name on a dotted line like this a million times but right now it just wasn't working. And suddenly it was just all too clear.

Damn it, I was such a coward!

Coward! Coward! You're a coward Carole Hudson!

With that and that stupid voice keeping on telling me I was a coward that couldn't take responsibility for my own actions I threw the clipboard and the pencil away and ran out of the waiting room. And ran into the elevator and pressed to get it to the ground floor and the ER where Burt was working. Almost jumping while it was still moving to just get to move at all.

At last the elevator stopped and I walked out as fast as I dared and hoped that it didn't seem suspicious. I had been here with Burt a few times and therefore a few of the nurses greeted me kindly while I only looked around and tried to find Burt like anywhere at all.

"Hey Carole." Rudy that as usual sat by the keyboard in the lounge but a good bit more tired and grey now than the last time I saw him just a couple of months ago. "If you're looking for Burt. I saw him going that way." Rudy pointed and I nodded but didn't really take the time to thank me before I hurried through the ER again. If only the hallways in the ER didn't go around…

Oh well, at last I spotted him in one of the examine rooms. Almost at the same time as he spotted me and I hurried into the room with tears spurting from my eyes only faster and faster. And it didn't get any better by stopping in front of him and trying to catch my breath again.

"Carole? What's going on? Why are you crying?" I tried to stutter something but had to stop again to catch my breath. "Is Christopher back?" I shook my head. "Oh well, good. But… What is it then?" He embraced me and I was thankful that except for us the room was empty when I just completely broke down towards his shoulder.

"Hey. Sch, sch, sch" Burt laid a hand towards my hair and stroke it, and shushed gently. "It's okay. It's alright." And his voice sounded just as calm and as steady as it ever did. "It's alright. Here come sit down." He laid an arm around my shoulders and tried to lead me over to a newly made bunk. I tried to say something that he would have to make this all over again if I sat down. "Don't worry about it. That will go fast and easy. Now, tell me. What's going on?.. You know you can tell me anything?" I nodded. "So what is it?"

"I'm pregnant."

Burt froze in the middle of a movement, leaned back and let go of my hand. "M- mine?" I nodded. "Oh dear." He seemed as chocked and as distressed as I felt about all of this, and I broke down again. "Okay, okay. It's okay… So… Are you hurt or sick or anything?" I shook my head. "Did you just come here to tell me this?" I shook my head.

"No, I've known since last week but I… I was upstairs and I… I was going to do an abortion so no one will ever have to know about this and especially not Chris but…" My voice broke again and I finished. "I just couldn't. Oh dear God help me. What am I gonna do now?" I pulled my fingers through my hair and left my palms towards my head. "I got myself into so much trouble! I'm so dead!"

"Hey, hey, hey, hey." Burt took stern grips around my arms and held me still before he looked right into the eyes. And his green eyes met mine. "It will be okay. We'll get through this. You'll get through this. And about that it's exactly as much on me as it's on you. Heck, I knew you were married and… and… I wouldn't blame you in any way." I just frowned and looked back at him. "I wouldn't! With the one you thought loved you hurting you like Christopher have it's not weird you'd go looking for love where you can find it… That sounded better in my head! But I do know two- or actually three things. One, I love this baby. Two, whatever is going to happen to him or her. I want to be a part of it and three." Burt took my hand again. "I love you."

"Can you say that again?"

When I asked him to say it again it was only a weak whimper, barely more than a whisper and with that tone I could see Burt frowning down at me. Burt and I had barely even known each other for two months. But from the very start I had felt something for him that I hadn't quite wanted to place in fear the feeling wasn't mutual. And to believe it, to really believe it as of how I was feeling now. It would barely take anything, only for him to say it one more time. Just one more time.

"I said I love you."

When he said it the first time I stopped crying, the second time I broke down again. A thousand times worse than before. And it wasn't just because of what happened now. No, it was because of anything and everything that had happened the last ten years but that I'd never been given the chance to cry for.

I cried for the fact that I had ever met Chris, cried even more for kind of wishing I hadn't since if I hadn't I wouldn't have had Finn and Finn was my absolute everything. I cried for those nights when he started wondering, a bit too much about where I had been. When he had forbidden me to meet other men then him, moved half across the country so I wouldn't even be able to see my dad or my brother. And neither my sister nor my mum. For those times he had controlled where I had been, when I did it and who I was with- usually with him. I cried for all of the times I'd woken up on the kitchen floor with lumps, scratches and bruises what felt like all over my body. And for every time I had wanted to leave but he kept me back with his. 'You're nothing without me'.

"Hey, sch, sch, sch. It's okay." Burt held me and tried to comfort me the best he could. "It's okay. It's okay." He rubbed my arm with his arms wrapped around me. "It will be okay." He sat like that until I had lost count of how much time had passed. And twice it had happened that someone came into the room, Burt gestured something. And then they disappeared again.

"So…" I used the back of my hands to dry the last couple of tears. "Now when I've finally stopped crying over my whole miserable life… How do we tackle the next problem?" I looked to Burt who seemed confused about what the problem would be. "How on earth are we going to explain this to the boys?"

"Well…" Burt scratched his head wondering. "Now is one thing… How are we going to tell them about it when we've had the talk with them and they know where babies come from." He pulled out his wallet and all of the cash he had in it. "I'm guessing shirts that are several sizes too big will be able to cover it for a while and at least it might buy us some time before we have to tell them." He handed the money to me. "Downtown isn't too far away from here. And you women do like shopping right? Kidding, kidding. I was only kidding. But… I've still got to stay here for another hour or so. So you go downtown and then go home. Okay?" I nodded and when Burt opened the door to the room we could both hear someone shouting for him. "See you later… I love you." I still couldn't hear him saying that enough times, but it was the first time I answered.

"I love you too."

With the hoodies that I bought that afternoon that were all several sizes too big I managed to cover my stomach growing bigger and bigger for the next couple of months. And not even the boys noticed, as I wore one of those hoodies and pulled it out as far as possible from morning before they woke up, until evening after they went to bed. And when Finn noticed still in the beginning of the pregnancy. I covered it up with that with all of Kurt's cooking it was a miracle I hadn't risen to somewhere around half a ton before now. Finn just laughed it off and bought my lie perfectly. And didn't ask about it ever again.

And actually, I was starting to feel better and better. And during hours at the time I had almost forgotten completely about where I had come from and Christopher. One day I stood with the house phone in my hand to call up my mum, but I didn't get to it and just went too nervous. So I didn't. But if I had known that would change one day… I would have been more frightened than ever before.

And six months into the pregnancies, as it was starting to get very, very hard to cover it up but we still hadn't told the boys.

"We've got some sodas in the basement right?" I had the worse cravings for soda of any kind and Burt nodded- it was cold down in the basement so that would make sense. "I'll just go down and get one" I turned towards the lid that was in the living room floor under a matt but Burt followed me and it wasn't hard to guess why. "It's okay Burt. I can get down a set of stairs and get a drink by myself." Burt just smirked at me and followed me anyway. And even though people fussing like this could drive me nuts. I was relieved when he followed me down the stairs and made sure I didn't fall and hit myself into the next century or something.

"Carole." Standing down in the basement I suddenly had a weird feeling someone was watching us and looking behind me Burt spoke in a nervous- sounding tone. "What exactly does Christopher look like?" He didn't have to say anymore, right behind me in the basement's shadows stood a tall man, with brown hair and brown eyes that I would have recognized a million other ones.

"You stupid b*tch!"

I could feel my heart beating if possible even harder in my chest when I heard the coldness in Christopher's voice as he pushed his hand down into his pocket. I felt something tighten around my chest and then Burt pulled me backwards and past him.

"Oh, so you're the one? Congratulations."

Christopher smirked slightly and looked down on my belly and then up at Burt. And then it felt like everything inside of me went cold as I saw him pull out a gun and he fingered with it while continuing to smirk and looking from Burt, to me, and then down at my belly before looking back to Burt.

"Only… She doesn't belong to you does she?" Christopher spun the gun around his fingers and then loaded it. "And such things requires punishments. So… who should we take first… Even though… I've already taken care of Finn so technically you're not first."

"NO." I threw myself towards the stairs but Burt pulled me back with such power I hit him off his feet and we both felt backwards. "Chris please. Please tell me you haven't hurt Finn. You can do anything to me but if you've touched Finn…"

Christopher just smirked and continued fingering with the gun and then took it in both of his hands, stretched out his arms and pointed the gun towards me.

"Should we take you first? You little b*tch." I looked away from him and over the top of his head. "Look at me." I forced myself to look back at him and straight into his evil- looking eyes. The exact same color as Finn's. But still so very unlike them. "Or maybe you." He moved his hands a bit and pointed the gun towards Burt. "Or maybe…" He lowered the gun and pointed it towards my belly and the baby. "Nah, I think we'll go with the one who is to blame for all of this." He raised it again and pointed it to me. "Say goodbye. To your world. Don't worry. You'll be joined by this man and your baby very, very soon."

"You don't have to do this." I had buried my face in Burt's shirt and could therefore not see him. But still heard him talking against Christopher. "If you just drop the gun and leave now. And never, ever try to contact neither me nor Carole again then no one has to know about this. If you just drop the gun. No one will know…"

I heard Christopher's evil chuckle. And then more fingering with the gun before a shot rang out and I knew for certain that my very last moment had risen until that loud, sudden bang caused me. And my whole world to freeze. And for several seconds I barely knew up from down…

Then I felt it.

Nothing hurt…

There was blood on my hands and the front of my shirt

_But it wasn't mine. _

**Random fact**

I really love leaving really bad cliffhangers. And I really love people commenting on them. And this one will go on a list of the worse cliffhangers I've ever left along with one chapter of you can't stop the beat, two of love is stronger than hate and one of buried deep within.


	5. Would I lie to you?

**So. Here comes the very last chapter. I hope you've been liking the earlier chapters. And I hope you like this one. And then I also hope you're not too angry with me after the really bad cliffhanger in the fourth chapter. Enjoy! **

**Oh, and for you who like polyvore. The edits for this story have been moved into their own collection called 'fly me to the moon' instead of the collection for 'other stories' links on profiles aren't working for the moment being. But I hope it works soon and then I'll post the link on my profile. **

As I slowly came to the realization that whoever had been shot it wasn't me I started moving out of Burt's grip with his arms around me. But as I turned my head and moved to the side and backwards Burt quickly laid a hand towards my head so I couldn't see into the basement room, and pulled me back towards his own body.

"Don't look."

"What did he do? I thought he turned and started to walk away!"

"He did… then he stuck the gun in his mouth." Burt let go of my head with one of his hands and started moving his hands towards his pocket and his cellphone. "I'm going to call nine, one, one. But… I don't think they can do much for him. No, don't look." He grabbed my chin and gently turned my head- but it was too late. I had already seen. And that picture was going to haunt me for the rest of my life.

The pic of Christopher- unrecognizable in that poll off blood didn't leave my mind for another long while. Not matter how much I tried to think about something else, which was hard to do when all of me wanted to run out of that house- screw all of my clothes being stained with blood. I needed to get to St. Luke's primary and middle school and check if Finn was there.

"…_I've already taken care of Finn…" _

I knew Christopher never lied. Other people might say he did, whenever he was having a go at me. But for him I guess that would just be the truth. But so the ambulance came, and the police. Christopher- or what was left of him was put in a black bag while I and Burt sat in a corner and answered questions from the police, and I just wanted to run to St. Luke's. Even though the police stated that they hadn't had any calls from there today, nor ever.

"I can't wait anymore." At last, when we heard the ambulance leave towards the morgue with Christopher I pushed myself onto my feet and pushed the police away on my way towards the stairs. "I need to go see if my son is safe." I heard Burt sigh slightly. "Look! If Christopher knew about you and Kurt. And have done something to Finn. Then he sure as hell have done something to Kurt as well and I cannot WAIT anymore. I need to go see if MY SON. Is OKAY." The policemen glanced to each other, the younger one glanced over my clothes and the blood stains. "I don't care about the clothes. I just need to go and check if he's okay." With that I turned towards the stairs and as quickly as I could move upwards and through the hallway where the police and Burt caught up with me.

"At least let us give you a ride. Then we'll get there faster." I nodded. "Okay, then come on." He led us out to the car and held the back door opened. It probably wasn't more than a few minutes until we'd reached St. Luke's. But it still felt like years upon years until I at last pushed the door opened and without waiting for anybody else I ran into the school and through the hallway shouting for my son.

Don't let Christopher have touched him. Don't let Finn be hurt or even worse. God, don't take my son from me.

"FINN…. FINN. FINN" At last I stopped in the middle of the hallway, and looked around in the hallway that except for me seemed empty and stood still and shouted at the top of my lungs. "FIIIIIIIIIIIIIINN"

"Mum?"

One after one of the doors in the hallway flew up and students and teachers from the classes came out to see- well, I must have looked like I should be put in some kind of mental hospital standing in the middle of the school hallway with blood stained clothes and shouting like I don't know what for my son. And the first one to come out of the first classroom was Finn- and when I saw my little boy in the doorway I just couldn't help to run over and hug him as tight as I possibly could while I kissed every spot of his face the I possibly could reach just to feel him there.

"Mum. All my friends are watching." Finn moaned and tried to force me away, but I just held him even tighter. "Mum, is that blood?" I stopped kissing him and just held him tight towards my own body and actually considered the option to never let him go again, but realized that it had to happen sooner or later and then let him go and put my hands towards his arms.

"Finn. I'm not gonna do it here, but as soon as we get back home I need to tell you something and it's very important. Actually there are two things. And one of them might make you very sad. But… but just remember that what matters is that we've got each other and I love you very much. Okay?" Finn nodded, and seemed distressed about that I said I needed to tell him something.

"Have I done something bad?"

"No, no Finn. You haven't done anything wrong honey." I took his head in between my hands. "You haven't done anything wrong. Nothing." I hugged him again and felt Finn bob his head up and down. "Excuse me?" I turned to Finn and Kurt's teacher. "Miss Brown, I think we should better go home with our boys now." Burt had hugged Kurt until he almost choke and now more or less forced Finn away from me to hug him himself.

"Yes…" Miss Brown answered me. "I can tell it's something important so you just take the boys home. The rest of you" She turned to the kids in her class. "Get into the classroom again with you." Burt let go of Finn and I hugged him one more time before I took his hand and Burt took Kurt's before we walked out of the school and to the police that were still waiting- obviously, they didn't think it was a too good idea to walk down the road with blood- stained clothes. And I couldn't do else then agree.

"Finn." When we were in the kitchen of our house I gestured to Finn to sit down on one of the chairs and I kneeled in front of him taking his hand. "Earlier today your dad showed up. And he said he'd hurt you and that's why I was so emotional when I came to your school. But he hadn't hurt you. But he did hurt himself." I took a deep breath before telling him what I had to. "And he died."

The look on Finn's big, brown eyes was undeniable as he stared down at me with tears rising in them, mixed with something that looked like anger. And fear and I didn't exactly feel any better about having to tell him this (even though I had to be there for Finn right now) When Finn's body started trembling from head to toe and he started hitting my shoulders and arms while shouting what I could just wish was true.

"You're lying! You're lying! You're lying! You just don't want me to see him anymore. You're lying. You're lying! You're lying!"

To keep Finn from hurting himself rather than hurting me I took a couple of stern grips around his wrists that kept him from moving his arms any further. And just as I had Finn fell into my arms and cried towards my shoulder. I just held him like that, and even though I knew that for young Finn right now. It felt like nothing would ever be okay again I had to comfort him.

"Sch, sch, sch. It's okay, it's okay. Just let it out honey."

I even heard myself how lame it sounded. But what was I supposed to say? I could have lied to him when he took a step back and begged me to admit that I was lying. But I wasn't lying. And Finn knew very well I would never tell him a lie. Not even when he looked at me with those tear- filled puppy eyes that made my heart fall into pieces.

At last, when I sat on the floor with my back against the wall and Finn laud half on the floor, half in my arms Burt and Kurt came into the house. Burt had decided to take Kurt out of the house while I had to tell Finn. And I couldn't say anything else then that I was grateful for it. But there was still one more thing. And somehow I was not looking forward to having to tell him... At the same time as I really was.

We moved out in the living room, Finn was mostly drowsy and while he woke up I lifted him up- geez this boy was almost as tall as me so I wasn't too sure of how I managed but somehow we all got out into the living room, I and Finn in one of the sofas. Burt and Kurt in the other and I gestured to Burt for him to start.

"Do you…" He looked a bit awkward and seemed to wonder how on earth he was going to continue. "Do you guys know how babies are made?" I felt myself go bright red- this was a talk I hadn't wanted to take for at least another ten years- or ever. But before I had the time to say anything Burt had continued. "Babies are… conceived when two people love each other very much. And already when we met I could feel that I loved… your mum" He looked to Finn. "Very much so… now there's a little baby growing inside of Carole's…" He seemed to search for the right words. "Belly… and in another three months or so… you guys are going to have a baby brother or sister."

Kurt and Finn looked kind of weirdly to each other and I put a palm towards my belly when I felt the baby's kicking. Right away Burt was right by my side, worriedly looking at me and put a hand on my arm.

"Burt I'm fine. It was just kicking. Here boys. Who wants to feel it kicking first?"

As good as right away I regretted the question. Finn and Kurt's discussions often went into fights- just like any brothers and let's just face it. Living together and both of their sister or brother kind of made them brothers. This would probably cause the worst fight so far. But Kurt just gestured towards Finn who was still slouching sadly next to me.

"Finn needs the cheering up better than I do. He can go first."

I smiled at Kurt and reached for Finn's hand and let him put his hand towards my belly despite the fact that he seemed nervous and tense. Although, when his sister or brother started kicking towards his hand he smiled slightly and laid his cheek and ear down towards my belly while still rubbing where he thought the baby was.

"You can talk to it if you want." I told him. "Then she's going to recognize your voice when she's born and it will be able to calm her down when she's sad after she's born." Finn nodded slightly towards the hoodie I was wearing and opened his mouth, but still hesitated for several seconds before he started talking.

"Hello little sis or little bro. My name is Finn and I'm your big brother. And I'll always take care of you." I smiled while he touched the hoodie's fabric with his lips and the baby kicked again. "Did I kick like this mummy?" I laughed slight.

"If you did? You broke two ribs you little kicker!" I pulled my hand through his soft, brown hair. "But I would do it all again. Because you're more precious to me than anything else in my life. And when things get hard- and they're going to get hard. That's what you always have to remember?" Finn nodded and I let go of his hair. "Now, let Kurt feel it too?" Finn nodded and pushed himself up so much he came lying next to me with his head on my shoulder and Kurt came over from the other side and laid his hand on my belly just as the baby kicked once again and his eyes grew wide while he looked at me.

"Can you feel it?" Kurt nodded happily. "And you do know, before the baby's born I'm going to need some help shopping things for it." Kurt smiled widely. He might only be eight years old, but damn he was the worse shopaholic I had ever known. "And it doesn't matter what you say Burt." I pushed myself up to sit up. "I'm done with huge sweatpants and hoodies. I'm six months pregnant and will only get bigger. If I didn't need maternity clothes before I do need it now." Burt just smiled and shook his head, and on the look on his face I could tell he had gave in.

The thought hit me that if I had ever spoken to Christopher the way I had just spoken to Burt I would have been beaten into the next century. (And we were in March 2001, so that said something!) But something in Burt during the months- almost year that we had lived together. Had made me trust him like I hadn't trusted anyone in so, very long. And something made me believe it every time he told me he wouldn't hurt me. Something just told me that he'd never lie to me.

"Now, get off Kurt I need a shower." I took support against the table while I got onto my feet and walked away through the hallway first to get new clothes and then towards the bathroom. Even though I stopped when I walked past Burt's bedroom and found him sitting mostly hanging over something in his hand and looking at something I couldn't see with his back against the door

"What are you looking at?" I walked over and sat down next to him and he handed me the photo, that was of Mia dressed somewhat randomly in a pink ballet leotard with skirt, a beige shirt with a giraffe on, white knee- high socks and yellow ballet pumps. "She was a great person. Wasn't she?" Burt nodded and wiped the tears from his eyes before he put the photo back in the drawer on his bedside table.

"You know… When we had Kurt and Mia. We didn't know they were twins. We knew we were having a boy and Elizabeth who had me wrapped around her little finger talked me into letting her give him Elizabeth as middle name and then when we had a daughter three minutes after we had a son I tried one last time to have her not naming our son Elizabeth. But she refused to let it go, and then she said that since she was little she'd known that if she'd ever had a daughter she'd be named Mia Hope. Mia meant mine. And along with Hope that would mean…" I interrupted when I understood where it was going.

"My Hope." Burt nodded and turned to the photo again. "That's a lovely name for a very lovely little girl." I rubbed my belly and felt the baby responding with some kicks. "Oh… Take it easy there little one… If the baby is a girl. Do you want to name her after Mia then? Because if you want to Mia Hope does sound like a lovely name."

"No… The baby deserves to have her or his own name… but maybe… Maybe it could be a little bit same like… Start with an M or something like that but also. I remember Elizabeth and Mia talking about that Elizabeth would start this company where she'd go together with the social services a bit and try to get abused wives and children away from where they were before to get them good homes. Lizzie never started it… But I know that they talked about that when Mia was old enough she'd work with it too and no one could have ever known… Do you know how Mia and Elizabth died by the way?" I shrugged. "There was this guy- Clarence who got together with Lizzie. We were separated because that having twins tore hard on our relationship and we decided that that would be the best. Then maybe we could find the way back to each other when the children get older and almost right away Liz and… Clarence started dating."

Burt's voice took a weird tone when he mentioned Clarence. He almost growled it, and it made shivers go through my whole body even though I knew that Burt was never going to hurt me like Christopher had done so many times.

"…And I said I was fine with it as long as Kurt and Mia still were every other week with me. But… as Clarence met Kurt he realized Kurt was… gay. And I mean come on, Kurt's too little to know what that even means but… there's just no doubt about it. And Clarence was… is homophobic. So he didn't want Kurt in his house. Liz was very sad and everything about it but… She couldn't stand up against him. Once more Mia lived here for one week, then suddenly Clarence thought that if I had Kurt all the time they would have Mia all the time. I fought because I wanted to have Mia here too and Kurt and Mia were twins we couldn't keep them away from each other… Then one night my phone called…" Burt sighed and put his head in his hands. I patted his back.

"You don't have to tell me this Burt." I assured him. "I can tell it's hard for you." Burt shook his head and sat up again while he reached for a new photo in the drawer on his bedside table.

"…Elizabeth had tried to stand up to Clarence about only having Mia living as theirs and Clarence had gotten angry and… abusive. Mia was there and saw it all and he just went on and on and on and on. At last he'd hurt Elizabeth so badly, when she got to the hospital she was put in a ventilator while the strong feelings on Mia's side caused an asthma attack and it got so bad that when I at last drove up- somehow Mia managed to call me but… she couldn't speak so I just hurried over, and then when I got there I called an ambulance. Clarence ran off, Elizabeth was unconscious and Mia…" He bit his lip, and seeing where this was going I could feel my heart breaking. "…She was just barely awake and in waiting for the ambulance she croaked- 'I love you daddy, and I love Kurtey too' and I just kept on telling her how much we all loved her and I tried to keep her awake but then she just… died. Right there, in my arms. And when the ambulance finally arrived there was nothing else that could have been done…"

Burt reached for another photo in his bedside table and when he pulled his hand back I could see also this one was off Mia, now in Elizabeth's arms and they were both wearing shining smiles towards the camera and like her mother held her, in her arms Mia held a blue and white plush elephant of the kind you usually give to new born babies.

"That's Mia, Liz and Mia's Ellie-Phant. Since we only knew we were having Kurt and that we were having a boy when Liz was pregnant it was this… you know. You buy the typical. Pink for girls and blue for boys. But Liz was obsessed with letting Kurt choose. Even though newborn babies you know they can't see colors. And then I held up both of these elephants, the pink and the blue to Kurt just as he had been born and he grabbed onto the pink one. And wouldn't let it go. And so when Liz went into labor again, as a matter of fact I was scared half to death with how much pain she was in and thought something was seriously wrong. And then we had a daughter… and I thought well, then we give her the pink elephant and Liz just went nuts- and Kurt chose the pink one and yada, yada, yada. So she had the blue one at last… and as they got a bit older, and started kindergarten. The teachers and some other kids were asking us about that… And Mia was like any little girl obsessed with stuffed animals. But she never ever let go of that elephant. And Kurt let go of his when some… David or something started teasing him for having a pink toy. He teased Mia too for having a blue one. But Mia never mind… I can't show you this elephant because she was buried with it…. And Mia and Elizabeth will never be able to start this… my hope."

"Are you suggesting what I think you're suggesting?"

"I started working in the ER because Liz used to be a nurse there and they needed some extra staff. There were people there who knew Liz and missed her as much as I did and I thought that it would be a good start- even better than working in a tire shop…" He chuckled slightly. "If I wanted to start that my hope thing… And I thought I'd let it go after a while but now I met you and now I want to make it happen more than ever. I was thinking it would be called my hope and with a logo with a pic of Ellie-phant and that would be kind of the mascot. I know that you will be busy with the baby and everything but… Will you give it a try along with me?"

I hesitated. And I knew Burt could tell. I didn't want to hesitate but what if…

"What if… What if three years from now we have a fight and you don't want anything more to do with me."

I just couldn't help it! Because what if!

"Come on." Burt grabbed onto my hand and pulled me with him through the bedroom and into the bathroom. He pulled me into the shower and put water- as cold as possible on so it was pouring over both of our heads and our still as blood- stained clothes.

"I don't care…" He almost shouted to be heard over the sound of the pouring water. "…If it's raining in your or my life. Snowing, haling, or snowing freaking sleet. I don't care what you do or what happens from it." He took my hands in his. "I won't leave. I promise… And I won't lie to you. And if anything happens so we can't live together or whatever then I'll find a way to make it work. And I do know one thing, and that is that I will do anything and everything for this. All of this to work out. And I do know that I love you." I lowered my head and hoped the water pouring over both of our heads would cover up for the tears filling up my eyes.

But Burt understood- he knew what it meant to me every single time he told me that he loved me and he laid his hands on either side of my head and gently forced me to look up again. And as soon as I did he tenderly kissed my lips before he hugged me tightly. Still fully dressed, and yes! Still with that freezing cold water pouring over our heads.

"So what do you say?" When we finally. Dripping wet, out of those blood stained clothes and wrapped in each morning gown stepped out of the bathroom and into the bedroom again. "Do you want to move back into Elizabeth's old bed? I figured that might be the best option… just in case…"

Burt didn't have to finish that. I knew what he meant. And two and a half months later, when I woke up by my water breaking he turned out to be right. And still it took as many shakes by his shoulders, and a 'BURT. THE BABY IS COMING' before he woke up fully. And rushing to the hospital and six more hours before I held our baby in my arms.

Makenzie Elizabeth Hummel. The name was just there. Makenzie meant where there is love. And I don't think there had ever been an infant on earth as spoiled and as loved as Kenzie was. (And if Burt stayed with me during those six hours of labor and everything he had shouted at him. Damn it! I wouldn't get rid of him if I tried!) And for me, I think the best part was to see my child grow up in an environment filled with nothing but love, hugs and kisses every day. Instead for as often being, or seeing someone being hurt, kicked and punched like Finn had. And I guess the time just flew by watching our daughter growing into her own personality, while my hope was up and running. And could absolutely not have gone any better.

I looked around. For the last five years our little family had- to say at least. Become a pretty big family. There was me and Burt, my Hope that worked better than ever. Kurt and Finn- now twelve and thirteen years old. Then there was Makenzie.

Makenzie now sat on her daddy's shoulders and Burt sat on the back of his pickup. And Finn and the oldest of the Lewis's were running around throwing a football to one and other. The Lewis- sisters and brothers were a family we had helped through My Hope. They had no one to take care of them- the choice was either we'd take them in, or they'd get split up. And the choice was honestly not that hard to make! We couldn't split up the alphabet, could we?

Well… the alphabet. There were five siblings and their names started with A, B, C, D and E. From oldest to youngest, oldest was Allen who was sporty, but still somewhat protective to his younger siblings and seeing him playing sports like this just warmed my heart like nothing else. B was Blaze- geeky and so Gay there was just no doubt about it- pretty much like Kurt actually. But like with Kurt we didn't pressure them to tell us anything, but simply just let them know that we'd always love them no matter what.

Next in line were the oldest girls and twins Casey and Dakota. When they all arrived it had taken us a while to learn who Casey was and who Dakota was. Then we realized that Casey was really girly and dressed mostly in dresses and skirts. While Dakota was the tomboy and wouldn't as much as touch anything that wasn't coverall jeans and a button up or hoodie. And at last there was Evie.

Evie was the youngest of the Lewis's. Sweet, kind, and damn so mischievous! With her and Finn together we were for sure never going to have a dull moment in the house. And how could we with nine children in the house- it was Kurt, Finn, and Makenzie. The five of the Lewis's. And at last Zhane Wallace who lived at us temporarily until his sister could take him in. And along with Zhane- came his chocolate brown Labrador puppy Toblerone- Usually called Toby. So believe me! We were never bored. And despite Allen and Finn playing, Casey and Dakota sitting on the pickup in a wild discussion about God knows what this time. Kurt and Blaze in another discussion about Dakota's constant coverall jeans and Zhane and Evie playing with Toby… It had probably never before been so peaceful.

So after all, we ha and Z. Including F, K, and M then of course. And I couldn't have loved it any more.

We had parked the pickup on the top of a mountain in a parking lot. Where we could see the lights in the whole of Lima's town in the dark. And far above us the moon and stars were shining bright just like they had that night more than five and a half years ago.

"Fly me to the moon…" Burt sang and looked up towards the man in the moon. "… Do you remember Rudy and how he always used to play that song?" I smiled and nodded. Rudy had died only a few days after Makenzie was born. But before then. I had heard him play that song, and danced to it with Burt countless of times. And I remembered Rudy, and every other person who had anything to do with how I and Burt had ended up with each other.

And I was so, incredibly grateful for each and every one of them.

"I remember every little piece of what ended up with you and me." I said at last. "And I wouldn't have wanted it any other way… Well except for…" I shook my head in a try to get rid of the pictures for that terrible while in the basement. "…Well you know." Burt patted my shoulder and then lifted Makenzie off his shoulder and crawled onto his feet. He reached out his hand for me to take it and we both climbed down from the car while Burt shouted for the children to catch up with us and he stopped and turn to me by the edge of the parking lot where we, in the dark could see all of the lights shining in the windows and by the streets of Lima.

"I know… I wish it hadn't happened too. Not because it haunts me. But because it haunts you and there's nothing I want more than for you, and the children to be well. And… Carole. I am too so very, very grateful for each and every piece of the puzzle that lead you to me. And me to you. And every day I tell myself that- hey. I couldn't love you anymore than what I do now. And every day I'm proven wrong." I couldn't help but smile. "And every time you laugh I could have sworn my heart is beating right out of my chest and every time you cry I can feel it breaking… And that's' because I am so foolishly, madly, crazily in love with you and have been since we met that night… and I'm not gonna count how many years ago it was then I'll feel so old." I laughed and could hear some spread laughter among the children while Burt pushed his hand down his pocket and pulled out a jewelry box. "And that's why I want to know…" While I couldn't help but start crying with the feelings of love and joy running over Burt sat down on one knee in front of me. Opened the box to a ring and held it up while the children were quieter than ever before. "…Do you want to marry me?"

"YES"

That was Finn!

"YES, YES, YES, YES, YES…"

And that was all of the children clapping their hands while I tried to cut them off at the same time as I tried to wipe my own tears and coming up with a good enough answer for Burt and while the children stomped their feet and clapped their hands and definitely let all of their voices be heard I had to find a way to make voice heard. And I looked to Burt and just knew the way.

"FLY ME TO THE MOON…" Both I and Burt sang at the top of our lungs and that was all it took. The children stopped clapping and instead threw their hands over their ears. Lost concentration and stopped shouting while I showed them to be quiet. And while I turned to Burt again they carefully removed their hands from over their ears.

"Well… We sure know what the children think." Burt smiled nervously when I started talking again. "But the choice isn't up to them." I slowly sat down on my knees to come down to his current height. And laid my arms around his neck. "And I think… Hell yeah!" Burt's nervous frown was changed into a smile reaching from ear to ear and the children cheered louder than ever while Burt pushed the ring onto my finger. "Holey Christ! Is that thing real?" I looked to the stone on the ring so close I almost became cross eyed but still could see and hear Burt laughing.

"You do know that with that question you sounded exactly like Miss Hannigan in the 1982 version of Annie." I smiled and shook my head- Blaze and his musicals. However… I wouldn't have wanted neither him nor any of the other kids in any other way than being themselves. And as I looked and smiled kind of mischievously to Burt, and then started singing and with all the children joining in… I couldn't have been happier!

Lima's population down below us might not have agreed though! Our some beautiful and some others not so beautiful voices could probably be heard all the way to New York by now. But without lying, I could have said any time that I wouldn't have wanted it in any other way.

"FLY ME TO THE MOON…"

**The end**

Song sung- Fly me to the moon- Frank Sinatra

**Makenzie is portrayed by younger Alyssa Schafer. And the siblings, Allen is portrayed by Peyton Meyer. Blaze by Noah Urrea. Casey by Nelly Currant, Dakota by Gwen currant, and Evie by Mia Talerico. Zhane is portrayed by Kasey McKellar. Mia is portrayed by younger Abigail Breslin and Rudy- who is mentioned in the chapter is portrayed by Morgan Freeman. So… that's it I guess. See ya! **


End file.
